Looking Bad Can Be Good
Making someone else look good can often come at your own expense. And that’s okay! If you are someone’s teammate they will appreciate your support, even when it is through self-sacrifice.
I’ll give an example.
Early on at my wedding the DJ wanted to get the dancing started. He announced that there had been a song request and that he knew we would be excited. Then he played a song that I had never heard before (or since). It was loud, fast paced, and it felt like something you might hear when a professional dancer performs a Cha-Cha. I looked around the room and everyone seemed concerned. No one seemed excited. 15 seconds went by. 30 seconds. A minute. The dance floor was still empty. Uh oh.
Suddenly my brother-in-law jumped onto the dance floor. He was dancing to the song with great gusto and he proclaimed that it had been him who had requested the song. He is not a good dancer and he looked ridiculous. But slowly, many other guests joined him on the dance floor. The dancing component of my wedding was a success. Phew!
Later I asked him about the unusual song he had picked. I was shocked to learn that he knew less about it than I did. “I just noticed that you looked stressed about the song, Terry. So I decided I’d take all the heat for it. I knew I looked stupid, but I didn’t mind.”
What a remarkable act of generosity! My brother-in-law helped me look good by looking bad himself. At the time I felt an enormous amount of gratitude and I knew that if given the chance I would return the favor. So it isn’t just selfless, supporting another through self-sacrifice. You earn another’s loyalty that way.
Can that same dynamic play out with a client? A colleague? A manager? A direct report? You bet.
What should you do when someone misses a meeting you invited them to? Or misunderstands a simple description you provide? Or makes an error in addition in front of a room full of people?
Well the answer should be different under different circumstances and I find that the answer often hinges on my relationship with the person in danger of looking bad. But more often than not, I’m inclined to take on the heat myself. I’m inclined to make myself look bad in order to make my teammate look good. From my brother-in-law I know how powerful this act can be.
In improv there is a saying that gets right at this lesson: “Treat Your Teammates As Geniuses”. Read more about it here:
Terry Withers
